PLAYER PROFILE - MARK HUBBOCKS

Mark Charles Hubbocks is a giant figure in Castlhursts squad. That’s probably why he carries many other names when people call him. Bollocks, Buttocks, Hubble Bubble are just a few.

Buttocks has a huge resemblance to the good old Rodney Trotter, looks and mentality. Buttocks proves his great mental ability by placing a £20 bet on a particular horse, but seconds later, forgetting the name of the horse and placing it on another insignificant one. Also buttocks decided to take a walk to the betting shop he previously had visited the day before with a small group of his pals. 1 hour later, we hadn’t found the book house and had walked past the same road sign 4 times, with Hubble bubble, scratching his head and stating “I don’t believe it….. it was round here yesterday”.

The boy Bollocks when enters the field of play turns into a different bubble. Tackles go flying in, defence splitting passes are set in motion, hundreds of shots on target and the vocal element he brings is immense. And then the lanky dopey git wakes up.
Taking nothing away from buttocks, he brings strength, aerial prowess and a massive consideration to the running part of the game. The statement “I just kept running” has been mentioned many a time.

From an early age Hubbocks has enjoyed the game of football. Supporting Aston Villa and playing for Birmingham City Centre of Excellence, the lad has grown in stature and brilliance. Some say that as buttocks has matured his IQ has lowered, from a result of constant ball headering, and walking into clear glass doors.
From bollocks’ exploits and general personality two films have been made in honour of him. Both are pictured.

One of the funniest and most humorous moments I have ever been involved with is a conversation between Bollocks and James Steven Barry Burrows. The chat involved was electric. Not a single word was understood and the conversation changed that rapidly it was hard to keep up with a grunt and a mumble here and there; as I know they did not talk about the weather or anything that complicated. Once Burrows did come out with, “Buttocks, I’d love to shag your mrs,” with buttocks replying “who??!!” with a confused look on his face.
Everyone knows that Buttocks is so in love with his girlfriend Charlotte, he must keep her happy somehow, as he only know the missionary sexual position. The others must seem too complicated for him to get into. And I hear he loves to go ‘eggin’ with girlfriend in and around Birmingham, what an interesting time they must have together, just imagine the conversation!!!!!

As already stated, Mark (yes that’s bollocks) is a huge Villa fan and loves turning up to training wearing some part of his favourite football strip, and footwear. Once, Buttocks left a brand new pair of Lacoste trainers on the bus, heading back from town. As he remembered leaving them on the bus, he frantically chased after the bus. Only problem being, it was 20 minutes since the bus had left. Who do you think you are I ask? Forrest Gump?

God bless you Hubble Bubble, you’re a top lad, and a great addition to the team. But for Christ sake, please get some sense!!!!