HIT THE BAR with Stu Horton

It is always nice to read the sporting views of a young, well-educated and eloquent journalist. In absence of this, I have been asked to write a column (sporadically, over the season) for our fast-develpoing web site.

Well, Castlehurst were back in action on Sunday, albeit in our first pre-season friendly. A re-run of last season's Adam Dauncey cup final, saw us pitted against Coach FC, on the Park Hall playing fields.

The day started on a bad note though, with an injury to Richard Cupples - one of the best blonde, left-footers in the squad - ruling him out of the game. Richard 'hurt his toe' during the pre-match kickabout with club MD and keeper warmerupper, Gurner. This is one in a long line of injuries for the flamboyant 'wide-man', which includes a bruised fingernail, the sniffles, and a severely dented pride.

Castlehurst won the game 1-0, and there were a fair few positives to come out of it. There were good performances from the two debutants, Ryan Grogan and Ben Toon, the latter of who actually scored the winning goal. The animated Toon struck a low, deflected shot into the corner, midway through the first half.
There was also an outfield debut for former goalkeeper and vest fanatic, Kevin Weaver. Slick, stylish, and the fastest thing I'd seen all day. After finishing playing with his new BMW, Weaver joined up with the Castlehurst midfield, and showed some very nice touches in the middle of the park.

Coach FC never really offered that much in terms of opposition. Although, most notable, was their talisman centre forward. A short, bald, annoying bloke called Nigel. 'Nige' coughed, spluttered, shirt-pulled, farted, shouted, appealed and whinged his way through the ninety minutes. How irritating was this man? Lets say that i'd rather play with a tropical skin disease on my cock for the duration of the game. Thankfully, our players didn't bite to this antagonist, apart from when I tripped him up.......and when Hubbocks booted the ball at him.........

All in all a good start, and a decent platform on which to build.

Well, I'm off to the bar now. Spare a thought for Mark Hubbocks. After being at Jon Arnold's wedding do (last week) for just one hour, he thru-up on himself. In an attempt to disguise the embarrassment, he rubbed the vomit into his clothes, perhaps thinking that we would assume it was part of the design. Only Cupples can get away with that one, mate.
Laters.