CASTLEHURST PLAYERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW

Since the demise of the club in the early part of 2007 the Castlehurst players have mostly stayed in touch with each other and the management team. We will be writing about their journeys thru the last 12 months since the end of the glory days of Castlehurst. We will start with an old crowd favourite…..

RICHARD CUPPLES

Since being dropped from the Castlehurst squad in 2006/2007 season for being crap at football the bi-sexual left footer has had an interesting time. Initially he joined Castlehurst’s local rivals Hillbernian in a move which included a substantial compensation package for Hillbernian. He started a few games for the relegation contenders even bagging a consolation goal for them against us in a 5-1 thrashing. He was eventually forced out of the club after they moved to the Skegness and district Sunday league without telling him.

Since he hung up his size 2 and a half puma king boots in 2007 Cupples has focused his attention on his career as a door to door salesman where he terrorises little old ladies into giving him their pension money. He has also now changed his sport of choice to the game of cricket, a game which has been in decline since he took it up. He plays for the castle Bromwich cricket club in the 4th team reserves where he ‘opens the bowling’. Presumably this is to get his stint out of the way so they can get on with trying to win the match. He is then tucked out of the way tight on the boundary where opposition batsmen are offered bonuses of up to £500 if they can hit him in the Cannock. There is also an accumulating bonus pot for the man who can catch him square in the bollocks with the cricket ball. As this is a very small and difficult target to hit, the pot now stands at £14000. I personally pledged 4 grand of that myself. The thinking behind this is that if you hit him hard enough it might rule out the danger of him reproducing one day which, lets face it, is a bigger worry than climate change.

He also has a very successful part time career doing the before pictures for the advance hair studio. There’s more hair on Duncan Goodhew’s bell end than there is on that bonse of his. He’s also got no pubes.

He recently spent 3 months working with teenagers in the welsh town of Bridgend. That town has subsequently been in the news so you might want to look that up.

In summary Richard has had an eventful 12 months. He still shows his face down the coach and horses public house from time to time where he is usually greeted with a round of F’s by the regulars and most of the bar staff. He usually comes when the disco is on at the weekend making several requests for ABBA chesney hawkes and the cheeky girls. He dances round like an extra from the wedding singer for a couple of hours, has 4 J20 spritzers, passes out, pisses his pants then gets carried home. Just a regular Saturday night out.. God bless u Cupples.