CASTLEHURST TAKEOVER RUMOURS RIFE

There have been strong rumours that a Peruvian consortium are on the verge of a take over at Arden Hall park. The consortium have tabled a bid of 1million Iraqi Dinars (about 400 quid) which the board of directors are considering.

It is believed that the Peruvian group consider the club as a sound investment. They have been very impressed with the soccer six and the Castlehurst fantasy league. They are also looking to start shirts and merchandise sales as a result of Castlehurst’s massive world wide support.

They are very interested in using some of our star players to advertise certain products. Danny Baldwin will be signed up to promote Just For Men’s new anti-ginger beard dye. Captain James Dodwell will be used to advertise Silver Spoon sugar lumps, a favourite of horses and Donkeys across the world.

James Coffman is being lined up to be the face of Imac’s new shoulder waxing strips and Mark Hubocks will advertise the new Nintendo game that increases your brain power.

They will take advantage of Chris Parker’s supreme culinary tastes by getting him to advertise Captain Birdseye’s new line of fish cakes. Stu Flint will front a new TV show demonstrating how to live for a full year whilst only spending £30.

As you can see there are plenty of commercial opportunities for a club with players of our calibre. With the new stadium on the way and the successful offload of Richard Cupples, the club is heading in the right direction. I’m not sure we should sell. I’ve never trusted those South Americans.

Speaking of Richard Cupples, I was talking to the manager of Hilbernian and I asked him how he was getting on. He compared his usefulness to a chocolate teapot. He also talked about what he has done for team spirit. There have been four attempted suicides and one has actually moved to Afghanistan since he arrived at the club. I miss him already because I’m running out of things to write about.