RICHARD CUPPLES LEAVES CASTLEHURST

It has recently become known that Richard Cupples has finally given up his fight to get into the Castlehurst team. After many unsuccessful trials with a series of local women's and under 12 sides, he decided to take a big step down and join Hilbernian Rangers.

Richard, pictured below with his family, took the decision to join Hilbernian in an effort to secure first team football.

Born the son of a Milkman, the 24 year old part time beautician had been with Castlehurst since the very beginning when we were desperate for players. He used to play on the left wing because he was the only member of the team that could use his left foot. Before you start wondering how he got a starting place every week let me remind you that both me and Tony Pitt used to get a starting place back then! Considering that Tony used to smoke 400 fags a day and was quite often drunk on the field, his 'starting place' isn't quite so impressive. Then there was me. I've got the turning circle of a Boeing 747 and the acceleration of a dead slug. So as you can tell Richard didn't have too much competition for his place.

Then came the 'Castlehurst era'. A new wave of young, fit and slightly talented players flooded onto our books. Coupled with the best of the Coach and Horses era, the team started to look a more formidable proposition.

After time the players became sick of tripping over the toys and dummies that Richard had thrown out of his pram onto the pitch after falling out with a series of referees. By this time the Castle Bromwich Girl Guides troop netball team were watching Richard very closely. He had impressed them with his girlish rants and it was thought that because of his lovely blond locks and incredibly small penis, he could be passed off as one of them.

Richard is a very wealthy individual and makes a really good living as a door to door salesman. He does like to flash the cash and is forever boasting about his all night chardonnay benders at male strip clubs and his trips around the world to various gay rights parades. He once visited the pantomime 7 times purely because his hero, Julian Clary, was starring in it.

His favourite food is mince.

In the summer he plays cricket. I'm not sure which team he plays for but I do know that when the opposition are short he's got no problem with 'batting for the other side'.

Below are a list of the highlights of Richard Cupples' glittering Castlehurst Career:

AUG 2005: Signed for Castlehurst

SEP 2006: Signed for Hilbernian

The End