WHERE ARE THEY NOW: DAVE PARKER

Dave Parker was one of the original Castlehurst players from the "coach and horses days". He wasn't always pony at football either. At one stage in 2002 he was a prolific striker, However when we packed up he was just a geriatric winger. The 42 year old lorry driver played in our last ever game when we were desperate for players. He had to be resuscitated 3 times but he eventually made it thru the match still alive and after 3 months in an intensive care unit at heartlands he was as right as rain.

Since the team fell on it's arse and died Dave has flourished as an individual. His highlights from the last 12 months include getting raped in an alley way just shy of the Raj and cutting down by half the amount of time he has to see Richard Cupples. By far the biggest highlight of Dave's post Castlehurst life is having the honour of living with a hairy arse horrible bastard called Phil. (Me!)

Since hanging up Tony pitt's boots Dave has had trials at the old baily, Birmingham Crown Court and the Solihull magistrates court. Football wise he did turn out for the local blind team but got taken off at half time for marking his own players. He has also made appearances for a series of over 35 teams but has been asked to leave by all of them for being too old.

The self proclaimed laziest bastard in the world makes a lucrative living delivering Dildos and tampax in an 18 ton wagon. He has managed to hold down his job despite having 57 points on his license. To drive his wagon Dave has to sit on a booster seat and wear 12 inch platform shoes so his hoofs can touch the pedals. This is because Dave stands at just 3 foot 1 inch tall, a clear two inches shorter than his hair.

In summary, Dave might not be the most gifted or good looking player in the world. He might not be that good at anything but you have to admire his bouncebackability. Despite having at least one near death experience per game he kept turning up. I would personally like to wish Dave all the best for his last few years and good luck with the hip replacement pal.